I just read an article (you can view it here) that really brought things home for me. It talks about parenting being a struggle for perfectionists. Yep, that's me.
See, I've spent the last 15 months beating myself up. I feel guilty for every little thing I do. On many occasions I have been in tears because I haven't spent my day working around my daughter, expecting her to work around me instead. Maybe she didn't have a nap because I took her Christmas shopping, or she came down with a cold because I put her into childcare with other germy kids while I did some work, or she cried while I took a shower in peace. It might sound stupid, but I really struggle with those things. If a moment goes by where I don't put her first, I get pretty stressed.
I know, it sounds stupid. Unfortunately, it's just the way I am. I like to aim to be the best (I like to say this is perfectionism, but some cynics could call it competitiveness), and so parenting has been a big adjustment for me. Some people seem to take to it naturally, and in some ways I do. But it's so completely different to anything I've done before. Think about school, university, work - if you work hard and be the best, you'll be rewarded. Parenting - nope, it's not about achieving more. I mean, how can you be the best mother? There is no benchmark, there are no tangible results, no reports or appraisals resulting in pay-rises, nothing to compare with.
I tend to over-analyse things, think too much and aim for perfection in general. The logical part of my brain knows that I am a better mother when I just RELAX (but let me figure that one out for myself; tell me to relax at your own risk!). But then another section of my mind kicks in and I start researching everything, thinking about it all and analysing myself.
Is there an answer to this problem? Probably not (this is not very satisfactory to a perfectionist). Maybe it's all just about muddling our way through. And at the end of each day, being satisfied with the best result there is: a happy, healthy child who has had some fun. Oh, and a glass of wine...
1 comment:
Ah, the mother guilt... Obviously, I haven't personally experienced it but I've heard a lot about it from my own mum, who says that if she could have her time again she would STRESS LESS and spend more time hanging out and having fun with us rather than worrying about whether or not the washing had been hung out.
I'm a perfectionist and over-analyser by nature as well. We really need to stop sweating the small stuff and just appreciate the ups and downs of life! Easier said than done...
Post a Comment